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Treating Everyone Like Family

by Stephen Davey Scripture Reference: 1 Timothy 5; 6:1–2

Believers are God’s children, and Christ’s church is a family. All of us, and especially leaders in the church, need to treat one another as brothers and sisters in Christ who are worthy of our respect, love, and concern.

Transcript

I have heard it said that how effective you are in life depends on how tender you are with the young, how compassionate you are with the elderly, how sympathetic you are with the disadvantaged, and how patient you are with the weak—remembering that at some point in your life, you will have been all of these.[1] 

As we set sail through 1 Timothy chapter 5, the apostle Paul offers some practical advice on how we ought to treat people—especially those in the church family.

He begins with instructions concerning people of various ages:

Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity. (verses 1-2)

For a young pastor like Timothy, it was going to be important that he treat older men in the church with respect. That does not mean older men cannot be corrected, but the word here for “rebuke” refers to a disrespectful and obnoxious attitude.

You will notice here that Paul tells Timothy to treat older men like he would his own father. Paul then expands this family attitude toward younger men, older women, and younger women as if they were brothers, mothers, and sisters. The local church is a spiritual family.  

This is not just good advice for Timothy, but for all of us. Imagine what it might be like if we applied this principle to all our relationships in the church: younger women would not be taken advantage of, older women would not be ignored, older men would not be discarded as “out of touch,” and younger men would not be excluded.

Now with that, Paul gives Timothy some instructions concerning widows. Keep in mind that without the support of a husband, widows were especially vulnerable in biblical times.

Paul writes, “Honor widows who are truly widows” (verse 3). What does it mean to be a true widow? Well, as verse 4 says, a widow who has family members should be supported by them. In fact, further down in verse 8, where the context is still about caring for widows, Paul writes, “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” That is pretty strong language for someone who is not going to take care of aging family members.

Back in verse 5, Paul describes a widow who has no living family as one who has been “left all alone.” More than that, he describes her as a committed believer.

That is the kind of widow who ought to be honored, as Paul writes here. But how? Well, verse 9 provides a clue. Paul mentions these widows being “enrolled”—put on a “roll.” This roll evidently included the names of godly widows in need of assistance. 

In verses 9-10, Paul adds to the requirements for a widow to be added to this roll. She must be at least sixty years of age, which means she is less likely to get married again.

But in her earlier marriage, Paul says, she needed to have been faithful to her husband. Paul adds that she must have a “reputation for good works,” including raising her children in the knowledge of the Lord.

Paul then mentions a younger group of widows in verse 11, who are not to be put on this roll. First, he says they are more likely to remarry. Second, the church needs to watch whether or not they stray from the faith and marry unbelievers. Finally, Paul warns that if younger widows are supported by the church, they might be tempted to become idle and unproductive.

Paul’s advice is actually for young widows to welcome remarriage. He writes in verse 14, “I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander.”

Obviously, Paul does not cover every possible scenario. But the principle we can observe here is that the church ought to look out for godly widows who have significant needs. Today, such needs might include transportation or repairs around the house. You are treating these elderly widows the same way you would treat your own mother.

Next, Paul gives some instructions concerning church leaders. He writes in verse 17, “Let the elders who rule well be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in preaching and teaching.” This word for “honor” can refer to either respect or financial compensation. The context determines the meaning. And verse 18 clarifies the context: “The laborer deserves his wages.”

Some elders will serve the church as volunteer leaders. They are worthy of honor. But those elders who devote themselves to equipping the church through teaching are worthy of double honor; that is, both respect and financial remuneration.[2]

Paul is laying the groundwork for something brand new for the church age—a vocational pastor-teacher whose life and labor is shepherding, teaching, and equipping the church body. And the principle here is not to pay such leaders as little as you can, but as much as you can.

Paul then warns against bringing an accusation against an elder. He writes, “Do not admit a charge against an elder except on the evidence of two or three witnesses” (verse 19). Obviously, a false accusation can hurt a church and ruin a pastor’s reputation. So, there needs to be clear evidence supported by multiple witnesses.

If he is guilty, the church is not to sweep it under the rug, as many churches are doing today. In fact, if elders refuse to repent, Paul says here in verse 20, “Rebuke them in the presence of all, so that the rest [that is, the congregation] may stand in fear.”

In verse 22 Paul indicates that the need for disciplining church leaders can be avoided in large part if the church is just not “hasty in the laying on of hands,” meaning hastily putting them in office. In view of all this, Paul charges everyone, “Keep yourself pure.”

Timothy evidently was careful to do just that. In fact, he was so careful about his reputation that he was apparently endangering his own health by drinking straight water. That was not a good idea back in the first century. The normal “wine” of Paul’s day was fermented juice mixed into water. This cleansed the water of bacteria and parasites. Timothy was now having stomach issues, and Paul writes here in verse 23, “No longer drink only water, but use a little wine for the sake of your stomach and your frequent ailments.” Timothy’s concern about his reputation is mostly forgotten today as Christians boast of their drinking. I have told others that if their doctor prescribes it, then I am okay with it.

As chapter 6 opens, Paul is still talking about how to treat others. He offers some brief instructions concerning slaves. His words here are consistent with Ephesians and Colossians, where we have dealt with this subject already. Paul is not endorsing what we think of today as slavery. Here in the Roman Empire, literally millions of slaves served as fields hands, teachers, and even family doctors. If these slaves are believers, Paul says here in verse 1 they are “to regard their own masters as worthy of all honor, so that the name of God and the teaching may not be reviled.” And Paul adds that those who have Christian masters are to treat them like family, recognizing that their service is benefiting masters who are brothers in Christ.  

So, here is the question: Do you want to develop a good testimony to your world today? Well, it all depends on how tender you are with the young, how compassionate you are with the elderly, how sympathetic you are with the disadvantaged, and how patient you are with the weak—remembering that at some point in your life, you will have been all of these.


[1] Adapted from “Sow Kindness, You’ll Need It,” Sermon Illustrations, preachingtoday.com.

[2] John Kitchen, The Pastoral Epistles for Pastors (Kress Biblical Resources, 2009), 227.

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