Transcript

I have read that the average wedding today is costing couples—and/or their parents—tens of thousands of dollars. Dinners, receptions, travel, invitations, photography, and then all the time that goes into planning the event—it adds up to a lot of work and a lot of money.

There is nothing wrong with wanting a beautiful wedding—unless you are the father of the bride. In that case, a backyard wedding with a barbecue afterward sounds a lot better!

With all that goes into a wedding, you would think people should give some thought to what happens after the wedding. But that does not seem to be the case at all. Hours of counseling and planning are usually not a part of the picture.

But consider this: the New Testament does not give us any details of a wedding ceremony, but it gives us a lot of counseling about the marriage relationship.

In the book of 1 Peter, we have already studied what it means to be a good citizen and what it means to be a good employee. Now, in chapter 3, Peter is going to show us what it means to be a good husband and a good wife. This is what a marriage relationship should look like after the wedding.

Peter begins with the bride: “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands” (verse 1). Note this word “Likewise.” It points you back to what he has just said about submitting as citizens and employees and even to the submission of the Lord Jesus, who became a servant for us all.[1]

To “be subject” means to willingly submit, or rank yourself under, another. It has nothing to do with value, essence, superiority or inferiority. It has to do with God’s design for the structure and order of the marriage relationship.  

We have studied other passages in the New Testament that teach that the husband is to be the head of the home. He is to be a shepherd, not a dictator. He is to lovingly accept his responsibility as the one who will ultimately give an account to God for his leadership.

Later in this letter, Peter will tell the congregation to submit to their leaders. That does not mean the congregation is less spiritual, or second-class, or unable to make decisions. This is simply God’s design for the church. A congregation will never stand before God and give an account for their pastor; but their pastor will give an account for how he shepherded them.

So also in the home, God’s design is for the husband to be responsible for providing spiritual leadership, and the wife is to serve as his faithful assistant. And by the way, a wise husband will quickly realize that his wife is capable of making a thousand decisions that maintain a home and family with beauty and care and order.

My wife and I raised twin boys and two girls. We would not have survived one week unless I had delegated to my wife all the authority and decision making and financial freedom she needed to care for our family. It has been a wonderful partnership now for more than forty years. And that is God's design, beloved. Marriage is not competition; it is cooperation.

Now in Peter’s day, some of these wives were married to unbelievers. We know that Timothy had an unbelieving father, but his mother and grandmother stepped into the void and provided spiritual instruction for Timothy.

These wives would have wondered, now that they were new creatures in Christ, whether they should go find a new husband—a believing husband?

Peter answers that as he speaks directly to these women:

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word [know the Lord], they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. (verses 1-2)

Peter is not saying an unbelieving husband can be won to Christ without the Word of God. A wife can certainly speak about Christ at the right opportunity. But Peter is cautioning a believing wife who might think it is all up to her—that she should keep up the pressure, maybe put gospel tracts in his lunchbox and tape Scripture verses on the dash of his truck.  

What Peter is saying here is that instead of turning up the pressure, turn it down. Let your witness be without words—that is, without arguing.[2] Instead of belaboring him, allow your behavior to send the message of God’s love and grace.

Now let me just add a word here that Peter is not encouraging a woman to remain married to an abusive man. We have already learned in 1 Corinthians that if a husband does not truly consent to be married—in other words, if his actions prove that he does not want to be married—then a wife has a biblical right to divorce (1 Corinthians 7:12-13).

I might be speaking today to women who are physically abused by their husbands. Peter is not saying here that you are to submit to that treatment. According to 1 Corinthians 7, you have every biblical right to leave a man whose unfaithfulness or abusiveness communicates a lack of consent to dwell with you as a loving and loyal husband.

I have heard pastors and church leaders tell wives that they should view physical abuse as if they were missionaries suffering persecution. Beloved, nothing could be further from the truth.

Now what about the husband here in Peter’s description? Well, Peter says a lot in just a few words:

Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life. (verse 7)

This is not a suggestion, men, but a command—that the husband live with his wife with understanding; that is, with insight and consideration. This is not going to happen the moment the wedding reception ends. This will take a lifetime of study, learning her unique challenges in life, her desires and needs, and then, as a loving husband, acting on that knowledge by encouraging and guiding her through life.[3]

Having a husband like that will make it much easier for a wife to respect and submit to him throughout life.

Peter then adds a warning to husbands here in verse 7. He says to treat your wife with consideration and understanding “so that your prayers may not be hindered.” A man who sins against his wife by not showing her consideration and honor might as well stop praying. His sin against her is a sin against God. And God is not going to answer the prayers of someone who is willfully sinning.

I wonder how many men disrespect and dishonor their wives on Saturday and then think they can show up on Sunday and pray in church. Beloved, their prayers are just empty words.

So, here is the bottom line in God’s design for marriage: Wives, lovingly, respectfully submit to the leadership of their husbands. And husbands, lovingly, respectfully honor and love their wives.

In verses 8-9 Peter summarizes all his comments, now in a broader context of life:

Have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.

Let me tell you, the world will take note of a person who lives like this. They are going to say to themselves, “There is something different about their marriage; there is something different about their home; there is something different about their lives.” And they are going to want to find out what it is.

And we get to tell them, “We follow the design of God. He created us, and He created marriage; He knows how it works best. We are simply following God’s wonderful, creative design for life.”