I, Humpty Dumpty!
Wednesday, March 5
I, Humpty Dumpty!
Judges 9:53-54
And a certain woman threw an upper millstone on Abimelech’s head and crushed his skull. Then he called quickly to the young man his armor-bearer and said to him, “Draw your sword and kill me, lest they say of me, ‘A woman killed him.’” And his young man thrust him through, and he died.
If you ever happen to teach a child the meaning of the English idiom, ‘adding insult to injury,’ make sure you take him to Judges 9:53-54 for a perfect illustration. Even an ironist like Twain couldn’t have fashioned a funnier example so rich in satire and poignant from every angle.
For starters, remember that Abimelech is a textbook tyrant. He’s so rapacious in his lust for power, so convinced in his own mind that he alone belongs on the throne that he not only murders seventy blood brothers without batting an eye, but he then turns around to kill the Shechemite benefactors who’d funded his coup d'etat. He’s Voldemort and Darth Vadar and Sauron in historical form. He’s not a man’s man, but a devil’s. What a far cry from grandfather Gideon, by the way. At the same age, Gideon considered himself the smallest and weakest and unworthiest of all his household. Not Abimelech. He looks in the mirror and sees the mightiest, supremist, and divinest of all worldlings. “I, Abimelech, am the bright morning star!”, his heart boasts. “I, Abimelech, am the lord of armies! I, Abimelech, am a god among men!” Oh, but as he stands there defiantly beating his chest like Goliath, God’s got a stone with his name on it swirling through the air.
Here’s where the story gets hilarious though. Notice that although Abimelech can’t stomach the thought of getting taken down by a woman—which is perfect irony—it crushes his vanity even more to think that others will hear of it. So he privately whispers to his servant something like, “Quick—stab me ten times and tell the people I was slain heroically while fighting ten elite fighters at once! Tell them how valiant, I, King Abimelech, proved, even in death!”, thinking that no one will ever know the truth. Oh, but that servant evidently goes back home grinning from ear to ear, publicizing the event far and wide, and forever burying Abimelech’s vanity in the heap of ridicule it deserves.